My Invisible Illess: A Poem by Lu Sobredo

My Invisible Illness

The illness my body hosts,

it is a chameleon—clever

and full of surprises.

It disappears for a time

giving false hopes

only to reappear as if harmless.

Its pretense, unconscionable and vindictive

as though envious of my drug-induced, thanks

to science, near pain free idleness.

In its invisibility, the illness tiptoes surreptitiously

into my days and nights like a cat burglar but

dismissive of the hour. It eats away

at the fragility of a new normal

I fought to reconstruct from nothing

but sheer will and stubborn resolve not to surrender

to an invader I cannot see. Its presence

is much like a vengeance.

A force warring against my body,

my life sustaining organs,

leaving me no place to hide because it hides in me.

Clever, indeed, in all its invisibility.

Cruel in its malevolence.

The periodic new normal that medicine allows

Is temporal, but it hypnotizes one to think

I’ve won over the devastation the illness

Inflicts on the body and beyond. Wretchedly

this invisible illness ransacks

the reserves of energy

I’ve quietly and painstakingly

collected over time, amidst tears

and when ravaged in unspeakable pain.

The invisible illness my body hosts

Is an unwelcome guest. When it cries for attention,

It does so when least expected, and it demands

I cry in chorus with it. I feel

every bitter taste and pulsating pain

leaving me zapped and tormented.

I cower momentarily

but continue to breathe through

the invasion, hopeful for my spirit

to transcend the broken bridge I must cross.

One more snag, one more of life’s trials

with which I must make peace while

remaining faithful and true to the mission

I must still fulfill on earth despite this illness.

This invisible affliction, millions of us have come

to know thy name—Rheumatoid Arthritis.

We know thee well, the invisible illness our bodies host.

Thou hast not stopped lolling in and out

my door like a chameleon toying

with my earthly life. Thou art a hurdle

but not an obstruction dampening my will.

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